AN INJUSTICE has been perpetrated. Osama Saeed, SNP parliamentary candidate and supreme leader of the suddenly well-off Scottish Islamic Foundation, is rumoured to have been inexplicably cold-shouldered by his party’s leadership.

Possibly uniquely among SNP candidates, if rumour is to be believed, Osama has yet to have his picture taken with his leader and benefactor, Alex Salmond.

I’m not sure I believe this, however. It’s not as if Osama’s views on the restoration of the Islamic Caliphate or on Sharia law are out of line with SNP policy, surely?

So I’m announcing a nationwide competition: whoever can prove that Osama and Alex have indeed been pictured together in the time-honoured tradition of party leaders and their followers, will receive a fabulous gift from yours truly.

The search begins now. It must be out there somewhere, surely. Surely…?