VENUES in Glasgow’s East End are battling it out for the privilege of being next in line to chuck Nicola Sturgeon off their premises.

Following her eviction by a security guard from a shopping centre two days ago, Nicola – known as “Ray of Sunshine” to her friend – has been in demand from shopkeepers, landlords and homeless persons, all vying to beat the record for how long it takes between Nicola dismissing her host with a haughty wave of her hand to landing on her backside on the pavement outside.

BBC Scotland are expected to film the next eviction. But not broadcast it.