ACCORDING to this morning’s interview with Andrew Marr, Do-Nothing’s new government will make everything okay simply by virtue of being a new government.

So, to summarise, Dave will rescue the economy, repair “Broken Britain” and reverse global warming through the implementation of the following steps:

  1. Form a new government.
  2. Er…
  3. That’s it with regard to this one.

So let’s hear no more of this accusation that the Tories are the “do nothing party”, you hear me?