I’VE BEEN entertaining myself by having a look at the lists of Freedom of Information requests submitted to the Commons over the past few years.

Most of them, as you might expect, are for details on MPs’ expenses. Others are from people simply hoping the Commons authorities will carry out their research work for them. Many are sensible.

But some of them are simply bizarre. Below is a sample of them, with a summary of the request, the response and the date the response was made:

  • Ethnicity, Sexual orientation, religious beliefs of the personnel in House of Commons – Information supplied where held  – 21/04/08

“Sexual orientation”? Who on earth would ask that, and who has the right to divulge that information other than the individual whose sexual orientation is being discussed?

  • How many times has the present speaker called MPs from each party to speak in PM question time and oblige – Information available by other means. Section 21 exemption applied – 02/05/08

The end of this request is cut off, so we don’t know what the requestor was going to ask after “and oblige”. But this is an example of someone who can’t be bothered having to trawl through Hansard himself. It’s also probably someone who thought Michael Martin called more Labour than opposition MPs at PMQs and wants the facts to substantiate his theories. in other words, someone who doesn’t understand how the Commons works; the Speaker always calls for questions from government and opposition benches alternately.

  • Details of any policy that may exist on the use of fish from sustainable sources in parliamentary catering operations – Some information supplied other information not held – 10/04/08

Hmm… fish!

  • When did a named MP eat or sleep and what is the make of her car? – Pre-2002 information held provided. [Provided in full.] – 26/04/07

Whoever said some FOI requests were intrusive?

  • Cost of lease on the fig trees in PCH (Portcullis House) and whether there are arrangements on expiry of the current lease – Information provided in full – 18/07/07

Yes, those trees are leased. Don’t ask.

  • How many .mp3 or other media files are stored on HoC computers? – Unable to determine whether files contain music, however total number of MP3 & WMA files on network provided – 24/05/06

Someone obviously wants to know about my Barclay James Harvest collection.

  • Request for further info on: a) Internet browsing habits b) Email traffic c) Electronic parliamentary procedures – Information provided in full, though some information not held in form requested – 18/08/06

MPs’ internet browsing habits?! And was that request rejected? Oh, it was… phew…!

  • The number of accident reports and near-miss reports filed relating to paper cuts over the last year in the Palace? – Information not held – 21/12/06

Paper cuts? Seriously? That’s elf ‘n’ safety gone made, that is…

  • Brand, softness, and quantity of toilet paper bought by the Palace – Figures provided for 10/04 – 12/05. Information for previous years not held – 12/01/2006

“MPs get to use soft toilet paper? At our expense? Just shows how out of touch they are, the blimmin’ troughers, etc, etc…” But seriously, someone actualy wasted seconds of their life submitting this request?