PAUL BURGIN over at the Mars Hill blog has beaten me to the punch, but a few months ago I was listening to a wonderful Brad Paisley song, Letter To Me (Spotify link), which starts off:

If I could write a letter to me
And send it back in time to myself at 17…

It’s all very heartstring-tugging in a way that only good Country and Western can be, but is started me thinking about a possible blog meme: what would you say to your teenage self if you had the chance?

Paul has set the rules, and I’m happy to comply. The age at which your younger self is to receive this epistle is 16, not 17. You can offer only three pieces of advice, and you have to keep it snappy.

So here goes: stardate December 1980…

Dear Tom

Here’s the problem I have with this: by the time you (and by “you” I mean “we”) reach the age of 45, you will be in the job you have always wanted, you will be married to a fantastic, beautiful woman (and I mean “beautiful” in an actual objective way, not in a “Never mind, love, you’re still beautiful to me” kind of way) and have three wonderful children (all boys). So I don’t want to offer any advice that might in any way change the destination of your journey – just, perhaps, make the journey a bit easier.

You’re heavily involved in the church by now, and because you did well in your O-grades in the summer, you’ve become complacent and think you can afford to spend as much time as you like talking about eternity with your fellow Christians instead of focussing on the rather shorter term by working on your Highers. Big mistake. Get stuck into your studies. Oh, and if I were you (and I am!), I’d move away from science subjects in your sixth year and concentrate on history, modern studies and economics.

Lose the haircut. Go for something far shorter – when you try to grow it long it will make you look like a middle aged woman. Not a good look for a 17-year old boy.

Now, on the subject of girls (and I know you’ve been scanning this letter until you got to this bit), try not to fret about this. Don’t waste your time pining after whatsername (you know who I mean); she’s only interested in you as a friend. And when you go to college, play the field; no point in hooking up full time with the one girl. Plenty of time for that when you’re older.

And vaguely associated with the above subject (just so I can add one extra piece of advice without breaking the “three only” rule), when you host a party next year while mum and dad are on holiday, don’t under any circumstances drink copious amounts of Co-op Extra Strong Cider. Trust me on this.

See you in 30 years.

Tom

PS. Please try harder to persuade mum to give up smoking.

Okay, that’s my contribution. I now tag the following to follow suit: Iain Dale, Greg Pope, Wrinkled Weasel, Kerry McCarthy and GadgetVicar.