And another thing…

EARLIER today I received two Direct Messages through Twitter, one of which was from @johnrentoul and both of which said the same thing: “haha. This you?” followed by a web link. The link didn’t seem to take me anywhere. And then I read this on Guido.

I messaged John to warn him that someone might be using his account for nefarious purposes and he replied that he was aware that something odd was going on and that he had reported it to Twitter.

Then, tonight, he DMd me again, this time with this:

So… glad his account’s back to normal, then.

HAVING previously offered readers the benefit of my profound insights into the rules of political blogging, I thought those of you who use Twitter might be vaguely interested in this advice, aimed at politicians and candidates:

1. Don’t just broadcast – engage. Politicians who use social media to let everyone know what they think but who don’t even respond to others’ views are doing themselves no favours.

2. Do it yourself. I cannot emphasise this strongly enough: if you have a Twitter account, never let anyone else Tweet on your behalf. Without authenticity, your Twittering is valueless (at least, that’s what I told Tom yesterday when I offered to write this for him…).

3. Don’t Tweet and drink. Should be self-evident, but you’d be surprised how many are tempted. If you’re out for a drink, don’t even check your Twitter account for updates, lest ye be tempted to reply, however entertaining the results would be for the rest of us, and for the media (see numbers 9 and 10).

4. Argue by all means, but avoid being offensive. Respond with a pithy or sarcastic comment if you’re provoked, but be more measured than your critics.

5. Avoid giving your diary details – nothing to do with security, it’s just dull. “Just had a very productive meeting with a really worthy organisation” might be of interest to members of that worthy organisation and to both of the constituents who follow your Twitter feed, but not to the rest of us. Also, avoid inane greetings and sign-offs: “Morning Tweeps!” No-one cares. Really, they don’t.

6. Don’t split your message over more than one Tweet. This is simply bad Twitter etiquette. The value of Twitter is in the discipline required to say what you want to say in 140 characters or fewer. If you want to write an essay, use a blog.

7. Tempting though it is to insist on getting the last word in a Twitter exchange, it’s often more gracious to leave that to your critics.

8. Don’t block followers. There are some real morons out there who get off on sending abusive Tweets, particularly to politicians. They wear the “blocked by an MP” badge with pride. Far better to ignore them completely. Believe me, that will annoy them far more than blocking them will.

9. Always assume that whatever you Tweet will be read by the news editor of the Daily Mail. Because that assumption will be correct. Speak your Tweets out loud, preferably to a third party, before you post. If you have any doubts about whether it will be misinterpreted, then err on the side of caution.

10. If you wake to find an army of reporters, photographers and camera crews outside your home, it could be a sign that you need to rethink your new media strategy.

And if I were in a sarcastic mood, I might just add an eleventh, aimed specifically at the non-poltician Twitterer:

11. Whenever an MP Tweets about buying anything, from a mobile phone to a new sofa or car, reply along the lines of “You can always claim it on expenses!” This is always – always – hilarious and will guarantee your status as the Twittersphere’s very own Oscar Wilde.

AS A FITTING end to the festive season, I’ve just enjoyed something of a family reunion. And it’s all thanks to Twitter.

A few months ago, I began receiving messages through Twitter from one @Porky999, who turned out to be my wee cousin, Steven. Steven is the elder son of my Aunt Nan, my dad’s baby sister. Now, for various complicated family-type reasons, I haven’t actually seen Steven since we were both young children. That’s a very long time. So to find myself “chatting” to him over Twitter was an unexpected and enjoyable experience. My dad and sister, neither of whom are on Twitter, started asking me how Steven was doing, even though I hadn’t physically spoken to him in more than 30 years.

Steven had been asking after my dad, and I had suggested he should visit him next time he’s in Scotland (he’s now living in Burnley). And shortly before Christmas, I was DMd by Porky999 to inform me that, sure enough, he intended to pay Dad a visit and would I be there too?

And today I was. It was fantastic to meet up again after all these years, and my dad was clearly chuffed that Steven and his lovely wife Margarita (and their two beautiful young daughters, of whose existence I was unaware until today!) had made the effort to visit. Steven’s turned into a lovely bloke who is utterly, utterly unrecognisable from my childhood memories (as I’m sure I am too).

The point of all this being that, whatever criticism people have of Twitter, this is one event – a very real rather than virtual one – that wouldn’t have happened without it.

I’m just sayin’…

• fullabeanz I’m wondering if it’s worth watching The Sixth Sense as I know what the twist is… The boy is a robot with human feelings.

• KerronCross Welcome David Morrissey to Twitter @davemorrissey64 – a great actor. Especially if you missed Basic Instinct 2.

• blogmum Actually, it’s not all. I don’t in any way fancy David Tennant (FARRRRR too skinny) but he is totally hot when he’s dancing. *that* is all

• DPrever Chanukah candles lit. Xmas Tree in fireplace. Living the multicultural dream. Can’t wait for the Buddhist New Year.

• uke_cb Can someone tell me why ppl were protesting in Copenhagen?! Does anybody really know what they’re talking abt with climate issues? #cop15

• yousufhamid you know when you get old because when you see snow rather than going “wooo” you go “hmm this could cause some transportation difficulties!”

• toryrascal Watched Paranormal Activity. Meh. Ruefully wishing I’d watched the Royal Variety Torture instead.

• Pam_Nash PARISH NOTICE: From tomorrow, all Twitterers without a Xmas hat on their avatar will have accounts suspended. Possibly. http://bit.ly/7i6IcE

• hoc_podcast Call it an early Christmas present: House of Comments Episode 08a – “Blocked By Nadine” http://is.gd/5qp9n

• davidcairnsmp Well done @ericjoyce for highlighting the appalling lack of judgement of BBC on-line.

• wordpress WordPress 2.9 Release Candidate 1: http://wp.me/p4Ez4-h3

• FakeAPStylebook Only use the word “proactive” if it will dynamically impact your synergistic throughput paradigm.

• gift_of_the_fab #dumbBBCHYSpolls Pol Pot: Snog, Marry or Avoid?

THE BBC have apparently wet their pants at the prospect of legal firm Carter-Ruck getting annoyed at them over their Newsnight report about James Bond villainesque company, Trafigura. They removed this video so that the big boys wouldn’t steal their dinner money and give them a Chinese burn.

So here it is. Worth a look.

• toppage Phew. Got through entire series without seeing a single frame of XFactor. Or “cynicallymakesquillionsforcowellfactor” as I call it. Get me.

• torybear Flirty sobo gives me the fear.

• sshrpe Perhaps X Factor 2010 will be the ‘Michelle MacManus Season’, in which the premise of the show is deliberately undermined by the audience.

• RealTimbone I look forward to hearing Joe sing some good songs, not like the totally predictable winners single

• KerronCross “And here he is singing his song…” His song? Miley Cyrus’s. #xfactor

• juliahobsbawm #X Factor. Can’t help feeling glum for Olly. That winking, grooving, saucyness deserves pop success, just as mister pitch perfecto Joe does.

• BevaniteEllie FAO everyone who voted in #XFactor : if it’s ur 1st General Election next year,join @Virginvoters and make sure u vote then!

• stuartmaclennan RT @AlexCornish It goes without saying but joe off x factor has got almost as much x factor as a hangover. Olly should have won

• ericjoyce 200000 applicants. Soon the entire UK population will have auditioned. I can do spoons.

• Herring1967 Now that’s a programme I would watch. X Factor – only one will survive.

• Charonqc My interest in X-Factor? Zero… absolute zero.. but I am sure it does wonders for the crime figures

• davidjonesmp Hallelujah. Armando Ianucci confirms there’ll be another series of The Thick of It. But will Tucker be in opposition?

• LouiseBagshawe Brilliant Thick of It. Love the new Tory Malcolm. love the old Malcolm. Love the bald guy. Love Nicola. Love the show. Love @AIannucci!

• davidcairnsmp @RichardAngell @TomHarrisMP I have only ever been wrong once – when I switched allegiance from big Michelle McManus at the last minute.

• gedrobinson Ruddy Gordon Brown, Olly is in the final… What do you mean you can’t blame things he has no control over on him?

• CharlotteGore Hmm… You know how Hitler hated Liberals more than anyone else? I think I get that now.

• Conorpope Things we’ve learned today: wet shaving is the most difficult thing in the world.

• sshrpe I hadn’t believed Coffee Cremes were gone until I opened this Quality Street tin. Now I feel saddened. Deserted. Betrayed. #WarOfTheRoses

• HadleighRoberts Britton / Blair…. not exactly Frost / Nixon, is it?

• gedrobinson Bar I was in last night only sold bottled beer, the landlord said he was a draught excluder.

• ChrisGBaillie Oooh, new series of big bang theory starts on Thursday!! Yey!!

• thedancingflea Why is GB so much more impressive on a global stage? Maybe he should have been EU President! http://bit.ly/63Ivz6

• gedrobinson RT @BigGusDEcosse: Watch this – Irish TD (MP) getting a bit sweary in the Dail #green #labour http://bit.ly/7HAlgY Great fun!

• iaindale @shanegreer on Sky News now. How many tonnes of hair gel do you think he has used today?

• FGreen Angry woman on the tube. Like being visited by the ghost of Christmas future.

• OlszewskiRJ UK injunction on reporting details about Tiger Woods. What are we being prevented from knowing? Does it matter? __ http://tiny.cc/Woodsgag

• tomcallow Setting up new blog. Initial thoughts on Wordpress is that it’s ridiculously non-user friendly and complicated vs. simplicity of Blogger…

• Stuart_King Class war? No thanks. http://www.stuartking.net/blog/2009/12/envy-is-not-attractive-aspiration-is.htm

• BevaniteEllie #FF @Virginvoters Follow and sign up here http://tinyurl.com/yakm7y5 if you’re a first time General Election Voter /MP /PPC

• lukeakehurst Labour has gained 4 seats in council by-elections: http://lukeakehurst.blogspot.com/2009/12/council-by-elections_10.html

• bduverneuil Rumor: Next Generation iPhone 4G to Launch in Summer 2010 http://bit.ly/5auylf

• TimMontgomerie Happy Christmas from the UK Border Agency and (btw) KEEP OUT OF OUR COUNTRY! http://twitpic.com/t2g0w (h/t to @Jon_Bartley)

• HadleighRoberts Sometimes rejecting a Facebook group just doesn’t get the message across. I wish there was a box where you could tell them why.

• Noelinho @KerronCross If we ban expenses, do you think #bbcqt will shut up about them, or just debate whether it’s down to them they were banned?!?

• camiknickers Kirstie Alsopp’s voice is on a par with tinnitus for making me want to clear my ears with sharpened nine inch tent pegs.

• dht09 To be honest, even with all the PBR and expenses nonsense, it’s the tax relief on Bingo that really gets me.

• serafinowicz Other planets see the Eiffel Tower as Earth’s cool piercing.

• BickerRecord Just seen Orwell Prize judges. Now to draft blogposts offering high praise for Oona King and ‘Jack Night’. Hehe, the 3k prize will be mine

• paulwaugh Thought: You know Arsenal has the Clock End? Does Quentin Davies’ Frampton Hall have a Bell End?

• Progressonline Philip Cowley: The 2005 parliament is on course to be the most rebellious in the post-war era http://is.gd/5i02O

• CllrTim A View to a Mill #YorkshireBond (via @rbsnb) Best so far!

• CllrTim As the minutes tick off at the end of my better half’s birthday I’d very much like to thank the NHS for this and all her birthdays to come.

• indiaknight A movie channel has appeared, called Sky Christmas. I may actually not leave the house again.

• davidcairnsmp I knew @TomHarrisMP had been a bit harsh on them but I was still surprised to see this headline: http://bit.ly/4VO5ic

• TimMontgomerie At press gallery lunch with Rory Bremner; he says he is going to Gordon Brown’s retirement party tonight.. It’s a surprise party! Boom, boom

• MirrorJames “take out the trash” Thursday is looming. Watch government departments slip out damaging info under the cover of MPs’ expenses.

• thedailymash BONUSES NO LONGER LINKED TO BEING GOOD AT THINGS http://bit.ly/4pNsgC

• thedailymash POOR PEOPLE ARE SO TEDIOUS, SAY EXPERTS http://bit.ly/4OK5vP

• BickerRecord Me: If there was an election tomorrow…….. Polish lad at door: You think there can be an election tomorrow? I have not heard about this!