And another thing…

AT TODAY’s Business Questions in the Commons, Shadow Leader of the House, Alan Duncan, asked for:

A debate on moral authority so that this house can help establish a code of modern manners for privacy, humour and comment which can be practiced and agreed by everyone in place of the current chaos which provokes animosity and condemnation where it all could be so much better handled.

Huh? “…that this house can help establish a code of modern manners for privacy, humour and comment”?

Seriously?

Jumping on a bandwagon is one thing; hijacking it and driving off in a completely new direction is another thing altogether. Is there anyone out there, anyone at all, who would subject themselves to “a code of modern manners for privacy, humour and comment” established by the House of Commons?

Big Brother is listening to your jokes

As for the “current chaos”, what on earth is he complaining about? “Chaos” is what happens when individuals exercise their right to express themselves in a way that is humorous, at least to some; never to all. Yes, sometimes that means people will be offended (see the Carol Thatcher and the Jonathan Ross “controversies”), but that’s an inevitable consequence of free speech. Monty Python was offensive to some, as was Punch, as is Private Eye, Have I Got News For You, Rory Bremner… do I need to go on?

God save us from politicians who think they’re qualified to decide what we should and should not laugh at. And before you say anything, yes, I know it would never happen, I know that as I write this, AD is probably issuing a “clarification” explaining that he didn’t mean what he said.

But for a very intelligent politician, he has made a very stupid mistake by suggesting such a ludicrous gimmick in his lame attempt to exploit the public’s irritation at the behaviour of comedians and other clebrities.

But at least no Tory can ever again accuse Labour of attempting to impose “thought control”.

LITERALLY millions of incensed licence payers jammed the BBC switchboard yesterday after foul-mouthed billionaire presenter Jonathan Ross made his latest tasteless gaffe.

Nearly two-thirds of the world’s population gasped in horror as spoiled fop-and-a-dandy Ross confessed he had not watched the Queen’s address to the nation on Christmas Day!

“I slept all the way through it, I must admit,” he smirked during his Saturday morning Radio 2 show. The lisping lothario also offended viewers with more foul-mouthed abuse, remarking flippantly that he didn’t “give a damn” about whether Eastenders or Coronation Street is the most popular soap on the box.

One pensioner listener could barely speak through her anger. Ena Sharples (99) of Weatherfield, near Manchester, said: “I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! He slept through Her Majesty’s speech! He might as well have called for her to be beheaded! And this is what I’m paying my licence fee for? Disgusting! He should be sacked right away. And given a right good kicking.”

Another listener, 120-year-old retired army general, Sir Edward Ponsonby-Sachs, fumed: “This chap should be taken out and flogged, simple as that. To think that my licence fee is used entirely to pay for this traitor’s salary so that he can spend his days making filthy phone calls to members of the Royal Family makes my blood boil.”

Ross compounded his crimes earlier today when, he saw reporters going methodically through his dustbin outside his plush, expensive London home paid for by TV licence payers, he angrily blasted: “Look, would you mind leaving me alone? I’m a bit tired.”

The BBC Board of Governors was today expected to issue a statement about Ross’s behaviour. A spokesman for the BBC said: “I’m sorry, what’s your question? I’m not following you.” 

(Hat-tip to The Daily Mail.)

THERE are some news stories that remain with us forever and which define the times in which we live.

In my lifetime, it’s been Diana’s death and 9/11. In a previous generation it was JFK’s assassination.

For this generation it’s Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand’s phone call to Andrew Sachs. 

Just as well parliament’s not in recess or it would have to have been recalled.

I’VE NO wish to jump on any bandwagon as far as Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand are concerned. But I just watched Tim Daley, BBC’s head of music, being interviewed it on Sky. And he actually said: “We shouldn’t apportion blame until there’s been a full investigation…”

A full investigation? Really?

I think I can save you some time, Tim – it was Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand wot done it.

There. Anything else you need sorting?