And another thing…

THE BARON Foulkes of Cumnock tells me of a particularly difficult constituency case he was faced with in his role as Member of the Scottish Parliament for the Lothians.

A concerned lady approached him to seek help on behalf of two friends (at least, I think they were friends) who had been detained unjustly by the police. The two individuals were Knights of the Round Table of good King Arthur. Apparently.

He’s an experienced pol, our George, and after a few seconds consideration, told the lady that the case might be best dealt with by someone with more experience in such matters. “I think you should raise the matter with the Director of Liberty, Shami Chakrabarti. Would you like me to give you the address?”

AS I WRITE this, the Rt. Hon. David Davis and Shami Chakrabarti are celebrating the defeat by the Lords of the government’s plans for 42 days pre-charge detention over a bottle of Champagne in the Pugin Room in the Commons.

I’m glad she has a reason to smile at last.

I wonder if they’ve invited Andy Burnham to join them?

GEORGE Osborne has just illustrated why this is called “the silly season” by claiming the Conservatives are best placed to tackle poverty.

Perhaps the first version of his speech to Demos also included the following claims:

Jeremy Clarkson is best placed to manage cycling policy

George Osborne is best placed to be the next Chancellor

Etc, etc…

Other suggestions welcome, but be warned: I will only publish those that I think are funny.

Good to see that Shami Shakrabarti hasn’t lost her famous sense of humour. Apparently she’s laughed off Andy Burnham’s light-hearted teasing about her and David Davis’s friendship and has, rather cheekily, offered him some makeup tips. Absolutely the right way to handle this sort of thing: laugh it off and make sure no-one can accuse you of taking yourself too seriously.

Er, hang on… this just in.

Shami shares a joke with Andrew Marr

The right wing is trying to depict Andy Burnham’s latest observations on DD as a “smear”. Apparently, any criticism of the Hero of Haltemprice is to be viewed in this way from now until 10 July.

Andy pointed out that he thought it strange that the Director of Liberty, the perpetually angry Shami Chakrabarti, should allow herself to be so publicly associated with a hanger and flogger. Where in that observation is the smear? That he is being supported by Ms Chakrabarti? That he is a supporter of capital punishment? These are all matters of public record and cannot, therefore, be described as “smear”.

Desperate for the publicity, however, and for the lifeline of some actual opposition in his one-man crusade, DD has leapt at the chance to depict himself as the victim. He said tonight that GB’s henchmen “were out and about to attack me personally rather than engage in rational debate. Labour has now resorted to personal smears and lies rather than make its case for 42-day detention.”

You wish, mate. Pointing out an often-repeated fact about DD’s political views is not a smear. I would bet him that DD’s personal circus is occupying little or no discussion time in Downing Street or, indeed, in any pub in the land.