And another thing…

A QUESTION I’ve often been asked by colleagues: what’s the point of Twitter?

Good question, actually. I didn’t see the point of it myself for a long time after I’d signed up. What on earth can be said in 140 characters that is remotely significant?

My soon-to-be ex-colleague Martin Salter has weighed into the debate by pouring articulate scorn on politicians who Tweet in his Telegraph blog:

It’s a brave MP who condenses their thoughts to 140 characters. Not only are you fighting the temptation in the heat of the moment to post something you’ll almost certainly regret later, but the small number of letters you have to play with means that you can’t subsequently argue that your words had been misinterpreted.

And in an unwitting acknowledgement of my Top Ten Twitter Tips (number 5), Martin observes:

The lack of room to actually say anything meaningful means that most MPs will err on the side of caution and write only about “fascinating meeting on leylandii at local council” or “interesting surgery – now back to the office” And given that the prime audience for these dull statements are likely to be opposition bloggers or hostile hacks waiting for you to screw-up spectacularly, I have to ask, what’s the point?

It’s a fair enough point, and I’m happy to admit that the jury remains out as far as the value of Twitter to politicians is concerned. So why do I use Twitter?

First of all, I enjoy it. I like scanning the observations and comments of the people I follow. I almost always find something that sparks my interest – a link to a press story or blogpost, perhaps, or a catty (and often amusing) barb.

And I enjoy writing Tweets. I’m attracted by the challenge of condensing my thoughts into the requisite 140 characters. And I love provoking responses to what I write, whether negative or positive.

And then there’s the engagement. Yes, I realise that very few of my 3000+ followers are actually constituents of mine, but I do believe that MPs’ reputations can only be enhanced when they respond to those who are genuinely interested in politics. That was never possible before Twitter; to spurn that opportunity now, when MPs’ reputations are as low as they ever have been, would be folly.

Not that Twitter is appropriate for every MP. Martin is right to warn that many who follow us are not doing so in order to offer moral support but in order to exploit any ill-advised comments. And there are some colleagues whose Tweets have landed them in hot water and whose reputations have suffered, rather than been enhanced, through their Tweets.

I don’t blame those colleagues who steer clear of social media, given the potentially damaging repercussions of an ill-thought out Tweet. So long as the various parties continue to scour Twitterfeeds searching for material with which to damage their opponents, then I doubt if it will ever be allowed to become the platform for genuine political engagement I’m sure it has the potential to be.

In the meantime, I shall continue to Tweet – at least until I make the inevitable ill-considered comment and I’m blamed for losing Labour the election.

EARLIER today I received two Direct Messages through Twitter, one of which was from @johnrentoul and both of which said the same thing: “haha. This you?” followed by a web link. The link didn’t seem to take me anywhere. And then I read this on Guido.

I messaged John to warn him that someone might be using his account for nefarious purposes and he replied that he was aware that something odd was going on and that he had reported it to Twitter.

Then, tonight, he DMd me again, this time with this:

So… glad his account’s back to normal, then.

HAVING previously offered readers the benefit of my profound insights into the rules of political blogging, I thought those of you who use Twitter might be vaguely interested in this advice, aimed at politicians and candidates:

1. Don’t just broadcast – engage. Politicians who use social media to let everyone know what they think but who don’t even respond to others’ views are doing themselves no favours.

2. Do it yourself. I cannot emphasise this strongly enough: if you have a Twitter account, never let anyone else Tweet on your behalf. Without authenticity, your Twittering is valueless (at least, that’s what I told Tom yesterday when I offered to write this for him…).

3. Don’t Tweet and drink. Should be self-evident, but you’d be surprised how many are tempted. If you’re out for a drink, don’t even check your Twitter account for updates, lest ye be tempted to reply, however entertaining the results would be for the rest of us, and for the media (see numbers 9 and 10).

4. Argue by all means, but avoid being offensive. Respond with a pithy or sarcastic comment if you’re provoked, but be more measured than your critics.

5. Avoid giving your diary details – nothing to do with security, it’s just dull. “Just had a very productive meeting with a really worthy organisation” might be of interest to members of that worthy organisation and to both of the constituents who follow your Twitter feed, but not to the rest of us. Also, avoid inane greetings and sign-offs: “Morning Tweeps!” No-one cares. Really, they don’t.

6. Don’t split your message over more than one Tweet. This is simply bad Twitter etiquette. The value of Twitter is in the discipline required to say what you want to say in 140 characters or fewer. If you want to write an essay, use a blog.

7. Tempting though it is to insist on getting the last word in a Twitter exchange, it’s often more gracious to leave that to your critics.

8. Don’t block followers. There are some real morons out there who get off on sending abusive Tweets, particularly to politicians. They wear the “blocked by an MP” badge with pride. Far better to ignore them completely. Believe me, that will annoy them far more than blocking them will.

9. Always assume that whatever you Tweet will be read by the news editor of the Daily Mail. Because that assumption will be correct. Speak your Tweets out loud, preferably to a third party, before you post. If you have any doubts about whether it will be misinterpreted, then err on the side of caution.

10. If you wake to find an army of reporters, photographers and camera crews outside your home, it could be a sign that you need to rethink your new media strategy.

And if I were in a sarcastic mood, I might just add an eleventh, aimed specifically at the non-poltician Twitterer:

11. Whenever an MP Tweets about buying anything, from a mobile phone to a new sofa or car, reply along the lines of “You can always claim it on expenses!” This is always – always – hilarious and will guarantee your status as the Twittersphere’s very own Oscar Wilde.

AS A FITTING end to the festive season, I’ve just enjoyed something of a family reunion. And it’s all thanks to Twitter.

A few months ago, I began receiving messages through Twitter from one @Porky999, who turned out to be my wee cousin, Steven. Steven is the elder son of my Aunt Nan, my dad’s baby sister. Now, for various complicated family-type reasons, I haven’t actually seen Steven since we were both young children. That’s a very long time. So to find myself “chatting” to him over Twitter was an unexpected and enjoyable experience. My dad and sister, neither of whom are on Twitter, started asking me how Steven was doing, even though I hadn’t physically spoken to him in more than 30 years.

Steven had been asking after my dad, and I had suggested he should visit him next time he’s in Scotland (he’s now living in Burnley). And shortly before Christmas, I was DMd by Porky999 to inform me that, sure enough, he intended to pay Dad a visit and would I be there too?

And today I was. It was fantastic to meet up again after all these years, and my dad was clearly chuffed that Steven and his lovely wife Margarita (and their two beautiful young daughters, of whose existence I was unaware until today!) had made the effort to visit. Steven’s turned into a lovely bloke who is utterly, utterly unrecognisable from my childhood memories (as I’m sure I am too).

The point of all this being that, whatever criticism people have of Twitter, this is one event – a very real rather than virtual one – that wouldn’t have happened without it.

I’m just sayin’…

• toppage Phew. Got through entire series without seeing a single frame of XFactor. Or “cynicallymakesquillionsforcowellfactor” as I call it. Get me.

• torybear Flirty sobo gives me the fear.

• sshrpe Perhaps X Factor 2010 will be the ‘Michelle MacManus Season’, in which the premise of the show is deliberately undermined by the audience.

• RealTimbone I look forward to hearing Joe sing some good songs, not like the totally predictable winners single

• KerronCross “And here he is singing his song…” His song? Miley Cyrus’s. #xfactor

• juliahobsbawm #X Factor. Can’t help feeling glum for Olly. That winking, grooving, saucyness deserves pop success, just as mister pitch perfecto Joe does.

• BevaniteEllie FAO everyone who voted in #XFactor : if it’s ur 1st General Election next year,join @Virginvoters and make sure u vote then!

• stuartmaclennan RT @AlexCornish It goes without saying but joe off x factor has got almost as much x factor as a hangover. Olly should have won

• ericjoyce 200000 applicants. Soon the entire UK population will have auditioned. I can do spoons.

• Herring1967 Now that’s a programme I would watch. X Factor – only one will survive.

• Charonqc My interest in X-Factor? Zero… absolute zero.. but I am sure it does wonders for the crime figures

• davidjonesmp Hallelujah. Armando Ianucci confirms there’ll be another series of The Thick of It. But will Tucker be in opposition?

• LouiseBagshawe Brilliant Thick of It. Love the new Tory Malcolm. love the old Malcolm. Love the bald guy. Love Nicola. Love the show. Love @AIannucci!

• davidcairnsmp @RichardAngell @TomHarrisMP I have only ever been wrong once – when I switched allegiance from big Michelle McManus at the last minute.

• gedrobinson Ruddy Gordon Brown, Olly is in the final… What do you mean you can’t blame things he has no control over on him?

• CharlotteGore Hmm… You know how Hitler hated Liberals more than anyone else? I think I get that now.

• Conorpope Things we’ve learned today: wet shaving is the most difficult thing in the world.

• sshrpe I hadn’t believed Coffee Cremes were gone until I opened this Quality Street tin. Now I feel saddened. Deserted. Betrayed. #WarOfTheRoses

• HadleighRoberts Britton / Blair…. not exactly Frost / Nixon, is it?

• gedrobinson Bar I was in last night only sold bottled beer, the landlord said he was a draught excluder.

• ChrisGBaillie Oooh, new series of big bang theory starts on Thursday!! Yey!!

• thedancingflea Why is GB so much more impressive on a global stage? Maybe he should have been EU President! http://bit.ly/63Ivz6

• gedrobinson RT @BigGusDEcosse: Watch this – Irish TD (MP) getting a bit sweary in the Dail #green #labour http://bit.ly/7HAlgY Great fun!

• iaindale @shanegreer on Sky News now. How many tonnes of hair gel do you think he has used today?

• FGreen Angry woman on the tube. Like being visited by the ghost of Christmas future.

• OlszewskiRJ UK injunction on reporting details about Tiger Woods. What are we being prevented from knowing? Does it matter? __ http://tiny.cc/Woodsgag

• tomcallow Setting up new blog. Initial thoughts on Wordpress is that it’s ridiculously non-user friendly and complicated vs. simplicity of Blogger…

• Stuart_King Class war? No thanks. http://www.stuartking.net/blog/2009/12/envy-is-not-attractive-aspiration-is.htm

• BevaniteEllie #FF @Virginvoters Follow and sign up here http://tinyurl.com/yakm7y5 if you’re a first time General Election Voter /MP /PPC

• lukeakehurst Labour has gained 4 seats in council by-elections: http://lukeakehurst.blogspot.com/2009/12/council-by-elections_10.html

• bduverneuil Rumor: Next Generation iPhone 4G to Launch in Summer 2010 http://bit.ly/5auylf

• TimMontgomerie Happy Christmas from the UK Border Agency and (btw) KEEP OUT OF OUR COUNTRY! http://twitpic.com/t2g0w (h/t to @Jon_Bartley)

• CllrTim A View to a Mill #YorkshireBond (via @rbsnb) Best so far!

• CllrTim As the minutes tick off at the end of my better half’s birthday I’d very much like to thank the NHS for this and all her birthdays to come.

• indiaknight A movie channel has appeared, called Sky Christmas. I may actually not leave the house again.

• davidcairnsmp I knew @TomHarrisMP had been a bit harsh on them but I was still surprised to see this headline: http://bit.ly/4VO5ic

• TimMontgomerie At press gallery lunch with Rory Bremner; he says he is going to Gordon Brown’s retirement party tonight.. It’s a surprise party! Boom, boom

• MirrorJames “take out the trash” Thursday is looming. Watch government departments slip out damaging info under the cover of MPs’ expenses.

• thedailymash BONUSES NO LONGER LINKED TO BEING GOOD AT THINGS http://bit.ly/4pNsgC

• thedailymash POOR PEOPLE ARE SO TEDIOUS, SAY EXPERTS http://bit.ly/4OK5vP

• BickerRecord Me: If there was an election tomorrow…….. Polish lad at door: You think there can be an election tomorrow? I have not heard about this!

• iancawsey V funny Jimmy Carr – “did a gig in Dublin & began by saying I think Ireland should be a united Island (loud cheers) … under British rule!

• KerronCross The man who wrote Little Donkey has died. :-/ http://bit.ly/8L2zQ1

• podnosh #life My daughter wonders: “Do plants watch documentary’s of us and how we spend all our time staring at computers”

• thedailymash From the vaults… CHILDREN TO BE TAUGHT WHY WOMEN ARE OUT OF THEIR MINDS http://bit.ly/stQay

• SNPTacticVoting Where is everyone? We’re hardly going to solve Climate Change if I’m the only one who bloody bothers to turn up! #Oslo

• guidofawkes Twitter seems to be a lot quieter, are we all missing @nadinedorriesmp ?

• hypnotic If I was a climate change denier I’m sure there’d be a joke somewhere about Obama promising ‘Change we can believe in’

• BickerRecord Don’t understand why Labourists not jumping round shouting ner-ner-ner-nerdy we’re out of recession after all http://tinyurl.com/y8gs8do

• AlicePilia Top Ten UK Electoral upsets http://bit.ly/5EWNwz http://bit.ly/5EWNwz

WE’LL SEE how long I do this on a regular basis before I get bored…

These are a selection of Tweets by some of the people I follow on Twitter. Criteria for inclusion are that they’re funny and/or interesting and/or not about football.

(Okay, so I’m nicking Dale’s ideas. Let’s just call it “an homage”, shall we?)

• Charonqc Good grief.. twitter is working again… I’ve seen enough Whales to keep a Japanese sushi fancier hyperventilating for a year

• fullabeanz The BBC is to make regional versions of the highly successful US drama ‘24′. Here’s a taster… http://bit.ly/7pcAj1

• davidcairnsmp Excellent…RT @huffingtonpost: The Simpsons’ Mr. Burns gets most write-in votes in NYC mayor election http://bit.ly/8jn7eL

• jamesburdett Why does nobody ever realise that you should save the last verse of O Come All Ye Faithful until Christmas Day?

• louisehector Just booked Hogmanay in Copenhagen. Woo and indeed hoo.

• elecmonk Squishing together one of each color of Opal Fruit really does taste like a rainbow (I’m aware that’s a Skittles phrase)

• DPrever Dear BBC Newsroom, someone being voted off a TV talent show is not worthy of a BREAKING NEWS strap.

• DaveGorman If Stacey doesn’t win she’ll be a Loose Women presenter within a year. If she wins it might take three years.

• MarkReckons Apparently some singer is not as good a singer as another singer according to how people have voted on a singing show.

• davey_lad i would enjoy x-factor more if the judges randomly hit each other in the face with a frying pan… vic & bob style

• BickerRecord Recession found to be at end http://tinyurl.com/y8gs8do on same day #xfactor finally stops destroying weekends. Correlation or causation?

• adamhillscomedy I think having a baby is like owning an Apple Mac. The people that have them really bang on about it. But then you get one and understand.